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Post-Birth relationship with your surrogate mother
So the exciting and intense surrogate journey has come to an end. At last, came the moment that the intended parents had waited even longer than they could remember – the birth of their own baby! And although parents have undoubtedly shared their gratitude for the irreplaceable role that the surrogate mother played during this journey, many do not understand, what next? What should the relationship with the surrogate be like after the birth of the child? And should it be at all?
Feskov Human Reproduction Group specialists advocate warm, friendly relationship between all participants, even after the surrogate programmers over. However, in any case, it is the personal business of each family to continue communication or to finish it with gratitude and good memories.
Does it make sense to maintain a relationship with a surrogate mother?
It may be difficult for future parents, on the banks of the surrogate path, to imagine what the relationship will be like with the woman who gave them the baby upon completion. Birth and the following months of adaptation as real parents can be emotional and not easy to think about. Therefore, it is important to consider, at least in general terms, your ideas about the future unique communication. And do parents really need this? For some, continuing to communicate is about exchanging photos from time to time; for some, it’s more about closer things. The main thing is for Mother to be aware of the parents’ intentions.
Having a baby changes everything, both for parents and for the surrogate. The end of the process requires regular communication and careful preparation. After the birth, of course, the parents are busy and communication is interrupted. However, the postnatal period can be difficult for the woman who has carried a baby for 9 months because of a sharp change in responsibilities. Especially if her previous pregnancies ended with a period of care for the baby. Some mothers, on the contrary, see this as a welcome relief. Somebody feels a whole mixture of emotions.
The most important question that parents are concerned about, and not just them, is whether it was difficult to abandon the baby? Surrogate mothers usually do not perceive the baby in their abdomen as their own. It has a dad and a mum who has been waiting so long for it to come; this is not a baby of the pregnant woman.
But there are times when, even after birth, happy spouses continue to meet their former surrogate mother from time to time. And this time spent together makes it easier for a woman to move from pregnancy to freedom.
Tips for open communication
Initial contact between prospective parents and the surrogate mother lays the foundation for common expectations and lasting communication. However, communication preferences can change along the way, and this is normal.
It is important for parents to remember that after the process, the woman may experience some discomfort and sadness. And this is not from losing a child, because she always knew it was not her baby, but rather from losing experience. Because surrogate motherhood is a deep process that changes her life, too. It is natural and wonderful to feel a variety of emotions at the climax.
Tips to ease the condition of a woman in labor:
- let her hold the newborn baby;
- take a photo together;
- give her children the opportunity to get to know the baby;
- allow watching the baby in the arms of the parents, etc.
She may be afraid to ask for this, or she may feel that it is unacceptable. However, these gestures will show her and her family that the journey is over.
Boundaries of relations
At the very beginning of the procedure, future parents may worry about the surrogate’s attachment to the child in the abdomen. Because of this, they think that setting clear boundaries will help to avoid it. But is this the case? Is this necessary?
In fact, they do not consider that for ordinary surrogate mothers, it is a responsible job that does not involve developing an emotional connection. This shows the right motivation and character traits for those women who consciously choose this noble mission. For them, it is primary to help other people in their distress; a secondary benefit can be financial compensation for well-done, hard work.
As the process progresses, relations develop and these problems disappear. Therefore, most prospective parents and surrogates can find levels of communication that are comfortable for all participants – even after the baby comes into the world.
Should my child be involved in communication?
Each case of substitute motherhood is definitely individual. The degree of a woman’s future involvement in the baby she gave birth to depends on the level that is comfortable for all.
Sometimes, future parents are sure that they want to see their surrogate as a permanent part of their family. However, their relationship can be warm and friendly and without regular contact. Some former pregnant women appreciate sharing photos and personal information but understand that this is not necessary. And while this may be discussed throughout the process, in reality, communication may stop over time. The main thing is that everyone involved in the process can look at the experience with gratitude – for what it was and the incredible influence it had.
Surrogate programs at a certain price from Feskov Human Reproduction Group involve psychological help and support. We explain to prospective parents what formats of communication with the surrogate mother are possible. And after that, they make a choice according to their personal preferences and vision of the situation.